I figuratively sit on my hands and force myself to rest. If an impulse arises to GO MAKE SOMETHING, I pause for a verrrry long time to find out if that is a legit, real impulse from my body and womb, or is it coming from my head or habitual way of being, etc.
I sleep in. I take naps. I take lots of baths, go to bed early, go to the library to stack up on lots of books, color, prioritize eating yummy food and drinking water and working out gently and sleeping. I just did this for many months from May to October.
The "will I ever {want to} make anything again" FOMO was real almost the entire time, until I got my meds adjusted and stopped being depressed, at which point, rest was obviously the right thing for me to do, and I actually enjoyed it.
I also find it easier to rest, to slow down, when I think of how completely subversive and punk af it is to do, ESPECIALLY in a female body during these bananas times. PUNK AF TO REST DEEPLY. That usually centers me right back down to "fuck capitalism, fuck extraction, I will not be a tool for empire, I WILL REST AND ENJOY the shit out of my life, even the mucky composty parts of it."
Oh, and, of course, so much opportunity to practice giving love and forgiveness to the one inside of me who a) had to hustle in grind culture to survive b)and thinks she still has to and c) is just trying to keep me safe.
Regarding being a Being who has *so much she wants to create and make and do and be,* beyond the limits of these bodies, I also sometimes just have to have a convo w my Creativity and say "hey bitch, love you, but this body has limits, unlike you. we have to find a way to work together so i don't burn out--it's gonna be better for us both." It's a lifelong dance!
Love this Chela. You have a way of putting words and giving structure to these natural, seasonal ebbs and flows. How i resist the descent too! It's painful as it is counter culture or perhaps culture making to allow it, to respect it and to surrender to it. I recently joined a "health accountability group" and all I want to be accountable to is my innate need for rest and to dismantle the colonized part of my mind that pushes, shames and forces constantly around ideals of wellness and standards of well being based solely of doing and puritanical discipline and productivity - like we're mining our bodies - the next frontier of colonial dominance perhaps?. I'm so with you in the compost heap, the dark mystery, the nourishing void, being a blob on the couch for a bit until my body feels sufficiently rested. Love you, love your writing, it's spell breaking.
I figuratively sit on my hands and force myself to rest. If an impulse arises to GO MAKE SOMETHING, I pause for a verrrry long time to find out if that is a legit, real impulse from my body and womb, or is it coming from my head or habitual way of being, etc.
I sleep in. I take naps. I take lots of baths, go to bed early, go to the library to stack up on lots of books, color, prioritize eating yummy food and drinking water and working out gently and sleeping. I just did this for many months from May to October.
The "will I ever {want to} make anything again" FOMO was real almost the entire time, until I got my meds adjusted and stopped being depressed, at which point, rest was obviously the right thing for me to do, and I actually enjoyed it.
I also find it easier to rest, to slow down, when I think of how completely subversive and punk af it is to do, ESPECIALLY in a female body during these bananas times. PUNK AF TO REST DEEPLY. That usually centers me right back down to "fuck capitalism, fuck extraction, I will not be a tool for empire, I WILL REST AND ENJOY the shit out of my life, even the mucky composty parts of it."
Oh, and, of course, so much opportunity to practice giving love and forgiveness to the one inside of me who a) had to hustle in grind culture to survive b)and thinks she still has to and c) is just trying to keep me safe.
Regarding being a Being who has *so much she wants to create and make and do and be,* beyond the limits of these bodies, I also sometimes just have to have a convo w my Creativity and say "hey bitch, love you, but this body has limits, unlike you. we have to find a way to work together so i don't burn out--it's gonna be better for us both." It's a lifelong dance!
❤️🔥
Love this Chela. You have a way of putting words and giving structure to these natural, seasonal ebbs and flows. How i resist the descent too! It's painful as it is counter culture or perhaps culture making to allow it, to respect it and to surrender to it. I recently joined a "health accountability group" and all I want to be accountable to is my innate need for rest and to dismantle the colonized part of my mind that pushes, shames and forces constantly around ideals of wellness and standards of well being based solely of doing and puritanical discipline and productivity - like we're mining our bodies - the next frontier of colonial dominance perhaps?. I'm so with you in the compost heap, the dark mystery, the nourishing void, being a blob on the couch for a bit until my body feels sufficiently rested. Love you, love your writing, it's spell breaking.