Year End Review for People who are Too Old or Too Tired for this Shit.
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I’d say I’m entering my “giving zero fucks” era, but Eros seems to be animating everything right now, so let’s call it my “horny hag” era. But I understand the give-no-fucks sentiment as I burn burdens I no longer want to carry.
2024 will go down as the year I stopped doing shit I don’t want to do. Miraculously, the migraines have stopped, except for that one time I accidentally said yes to something I didn’t want to say yes to. Turns out, there wasn’t that much noise to clear. The shifts have mostly been about how I approach decisions and stack commitments.
My eldest overheard me talking about this new practice, and was like “Ohhhhhh! So that’s what’s happening!” I love a good ‘teenage son reflection’ because his experience of the same event is usually bewilderingly different than mine.
When I asked him what he noticed and if he felt negatively impacted he said “No, it’s been fine, you’re just ruthless and clear. You’re just walklin’ around being like nope not doing that, take care of it.”
Is it possible I’m a more empowering mother by refusing to put up with, clean up and handle other people’s shit? By golly, maybe!
I’m getting a lot of end-of-year reviews and reflections rolling through my inbox. I love the ways people are owning and celebrating their accomplishments. The prompts for reflection are wise and wonderful. I’m just not feeling it for myself. Personally and professionally I’ve had an amazing year and maybe I’ll stitch something together about that later.
For now, I’m bone tired. Good tired. Ready for a long winter’s nap.
If you too are tired. If you too would like to stop doing shit you don’t want to do. If you too have become increasingly more aware that you could extract of yourself endlessly for the sake of being loving or useful or evolved or not misusing your privilege or because someone called you lazy once or you’re still trying to prove something or meet some everchanging set of expectations for what will make you a good and valuable person, or you’re overly identified with being responsible or you’re at the mercy of capitalism and have mouths to feed and bills to pay and feel trapped by the machine of it all but suspect there’s some relief somewhere in some way even though life will never not be painful and challenging even during the seasons where things go well and come together and you don’t feel like reflecting on failures or accomplishments and planning but you want to prioritize releasing your burdens while amplifying your aliveness as your CBD oil lulls you into a yuletide slumber, here you go…
Year-end review for people who are too old or too tired for this shit…
THINGS THAT DIMINISHED YOUR VITALITY
When you said yes to something that was an utter mistake.
The yeses that caused you stress or cost you money, dignity or lifeforce. Trace them backwards to the moment you knew they were a no, the no that was present before you said yes. Where’d you feel that no in your body? What belief or fear told you to override that no? Look for overlap, patterns, and predictability in your knowing. Here’s your 2025 Mantra: I’m a no to that.
Things you watched, read or listened to or people you followed who made you feel like crap about yourself or ignited feelings of outrage.
We don’t need to feed ourselves all the gross things on the internet. There are a lot of mediums, people and ways of staying informed that don’t suck your life force or make you doubt yourself into a stupor. Outrage porn isn’t sexy. You know what’s sexy? Discernment. Self-compassion. Friendship. Community. Choosing where and with whom you’ll engage so that you have the wherewithal to face the challenges of the world and your life that are truly yours to meet and hold. Here’s your 2025 Mantra: I’m opting out of this.
The people, places or responsibilities that sucked you dry
Sometimes we raise our hands and sign up for things that are just so exhausting to fulfill. Why are they exhausting? I don’t know. I can’t tell you why some things pump me with energy while others suck my will to live. Knowing which is which helps. If you don’t know what tends to suck you dry, look back with a fine-toothed comb, you’ll find it. Are there any micro moves you can make to extract yourself from that hellscape for next year? Your 2025 Mantra: Fuck no, that’s exhausting.
When you withheld your wisdom
I get it, the older you get the more you realize the less you know and you can’t believe what an arrogant twit you were in your early 30s. But you know things now, even if your confidence shakes under the enormity of what is unknowable. And I also get that the world feels like a dumpster fire and you don’t want to add fuel to douchebaggery so maybe you don’t always call a thing a thing. But the douchebaggery needs elders who aren’t dinks, so maybe there were moments when you had some wisdom, insight, and knowing and you held it back? Can you remember those? What did holding back do to your energy? Imma bet the stifling leads to exhaustion. How might you bring more of your genius, art and earned wisdom to the table, for you and for us? Your 2025 Mantra: My wisdom is medicine, within and without.
THINGS THAT AMPLIFIED YOUR ALIVENESS
When you did things that were good for you and didn’t regret it
Why are things that are good for us so hard to tend to? Let’s notice what we sometimes avoid but never regret doing once we finally do. The yoga. The massage in the middle of the day. That strength training because bone density blah blah blah. The shitty food you skipped. The nature dips. The hard conversation or creative pursuit that freed up energy. The meditation you did, even if you’re just counting the time you didn’t pick up your phone but paid attention to your breath instead. Any moment you prioritized your health and well-being over trying to be a productivity robot. Those moments, can you feel them? Your 2025 Mantra: I lovingly tend to the foundations of my well-being.
The people you spent time with or are in proximity to who made you feel most like yourself
The people you feel full freedom to express yourself with. The people you feel safe with. The people you feel shiny around and deeply seen by. The people you experience mutuality with, like you’re in a dance of shared love and respect. The people you feel so comfortable with that if you accidentally farted in the middle of a conversation you wouldn’t completely melt in humiliation. The people who make you want to be better (but, like, in a self-loving no-pressure kind of way). The people who take your needs seriously and want to meet them. The people who hold your dreams and visions with reverence. These are your people. Your 2025 Mantra: I feed and am nourished by my most precious relationships.
When you experienced the greatest sense of aliveness
Maybe you were making art or shirking your responsibilities. Maybe you were connecting deeply with someone you love or respect. Maybe you were rebelling against some internalized standard of who you’re supposed to be that you’re so done with. Was it when you were creating? Resting? Pushing through resistance? Relating? What makes you come alive? Are there any judgments, fears or feelings of resistance that bubble up when imagining making this more of a priority? Your 2025 Mantra: My aliveness is a gift to me and everyone around me. No one wants me to be a crunchy, resentful troll.
Okay, beloveds, this is my last post of the year. I’m going to go sleep 12-hour nights and snuggle everyone in my house all day long (except my teenager because cringe mom). But before I go, will you please share one wish, prayer or reflection for yourself and your energy for next year? What are you a fuck no to? What are you a hell yes to? Tell me in the comments and I’ll light a candle for you and your precious dreams.
I’m a “no” to internet/news bullshit. I’m on a “need to know” basis with local, current, and world news. I just can’t right now. I want to pour myself into my art as an actor/writer. I want to be blown away but what I can do with it all. I want to take singing lessons just for me because of how much I love music/singing. As much as I LOVE being there for my family/friends, I’m over making myself last in the list of priorities. I will be in the practice of saying “nope” in 2025.
Loving reading these reflections. Feeling a strong resonance.., as a dude pushing fifty used to being a giver and caring deeply for others I am studying jiujitsu and learning to apply my leverage in just the right areas, letting all the wasted efforts go along with shit I don’t need — from others as well as any I may be tempted to generate! Power to us and all good hearted warriors out there!