Sometimes…and Sometimes Not

On being who you are and getting what you need.

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Fun story…

A couple of weeks ago, a friend and her young child came to stay with me. We had a comedic string of events that left far less room to accommodate guests than we’d originally thought and somehow I knew she’d roll with it like a champ. 

My husband left for the weekend and she and I and our two littles camped out in one big room together, slumber party style. It was so easy and fun and connected you’d think we’d navigated such adventures together a million times. 

But we’d never met in real life. 

When my teenager heard this, he said, “Wtf mom, you always tell me not to share my identity or location with people I’m gaming with and you invited your internet friend to stay in our house!?”

Yes, yes I did. 

When she was here, we recounted our history to some local friends. She shared that she started as a fan, then became a client and we’ve followed each other’s work and stayed in touch ever since. When I saw she was coming out west, I extended the invitation, which is rare (I’m notoriously and nauseatingly overbooking myself which thwarts such “fall through time” magic). 

We both knew it would be this kind of messy-meets-easy. We filled up on each other like kids away from screens with wildness in their hair and sand in their underwear. 

She reminded me of how she found my work. It was an article someone had shared, a balm to the conflicting advice in the personal growth spaces. I went digging in my archives and found it and wouldn’t you know, it still holds up!

Here’s a throwback to my early years of writing and coaching online. 

You’re welcome.  

Sometimes you need to think positive…

…and sometimes you need to sit your ass down in a dark corner with melancholy music on and bawl your effing eyes out for like four days.

Sometimes you need to sort out what’s happening inside yourself before you speak or act…

…and sometimes you need to splay the mess out there, all risky-like, and allow the next step, insight or direction to show itself through real relating.

Sometimes you need to push yourself to ship or launch…

…and sometimes you need to relax and surrender into just how terrified you feel and flounder about a little longer and maybe even have a chuckle about the absurdity of the human experience.

Sometimes you need to be gentle and loving with yourself and others…

…and sometimes everyone needs a good swift kick in the ass, because what are we all doing here if not evolving in some way?

Sometimes you need to solve incredibly complex problems that are limiting your growth…

…and sometimes you just need a good night's sleep.

Sometimes you need to be understanding, compassionate and open…

…and sometimes you need to seethe with anger, vibrate with rage and draw a line in the sand with your stiletto.

Sometimes you need to treat yourself…

…and sometimes you need to take a close hard look at what you use to soothe yourself and why.

Sometimes you need to be more disciplined…

…and sometimes you just need to get drunk with a friend and eat too much bacon.

Sometimes you need to suck things up and honour your commitments…

…and sometimes you need to fall apart, mess up and trust that you can clean it up later and be forgiven.

Sometimes you need to put yourself first…

…and sometimes you need to stop being so fixated on yourself and open to a wider view of what’s going on around you and put your energy into serving others.

Sometimes you need to honour how you feel and what you want…

…and sometimes you need to do what you said you’d do, by when you said you’d do it, despite how you feel about it.

Sometimes you need to take rest and rejuvenate…

…and sometimes you need to stay up all night, push through, get ‘er done and allow your delirium to guide you into the best work you’ve ever generated.

Sometimes you need to build your confidence and competence…

…and sometimes you just need someone else to take care of things for you.

Sometimes you need a little extra holding and support…

…and sometimes you need to dig deep within, cultivate a greater sense of intimacy with God and feel the paradox of your sense of separation and oneness with all things simultaneously.