How To Create New Works You’re Proud Of

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A blurry image of a distressed-looking woman (me), looking upward in wild desperation. Or angst? Or prayer? Obviously in the creative process.

Be visited by an idea in the shower. Wave it away. Who has time for that? The to-do list is shrieking her demands.

Have it tap you on the shoulder when you’ve missed the ferry and have an hour to sit. Scroll on your phone.

Let it rush in when you’re awake at 3 am, or on a walk, or a little bit stoned in the forest.

Vox a friend a long rambling message about the download you just got. Apologize for calling it a download you know how that makes you sound.

Work it. Make it. Draft it. Scrutinize everything you’re doing as you do it. Edit it as you go. Remind yourself to stop doing that and just create a shitty first draft.

Be pretty happy with your shitty first draft, not so shitty after all. Celebrate. Eat some cheese.

Read, watch or listen to other people’s stuff and realize yours is, in fact, shitty. So shitty. The shittiest shit ever made who do you think you are.

Scroll on Instagram. Feel like a garbage human for not doing enough about the awful state of the world, utterly wasting your privilege. Eat some cheese. Stare at your laptop. Fall asleep in your clothes.  

Come back to your project. Toil. Get into a flow. Delight yourself. Get somewhere. Wrestle your ideas and vision into a form that breaks through a fog. See it coming to life.

Realize how far you have to go now that you can see where it’s going. Make timelines and project plans that are unrealistic and demanding. Get accountability buddies. Let them down.

Keep working, head down and diligent. Get close to completing something. Change directions entirely. Question if that’s the right move or if your resistance just took over.

Blow all your timelines and project plans and berate yourself for a little bit. Call a friend. Be encouraged. You’re doing great. Keep going.

Get back into your groove, make substantive progress. Do some of your best work. Have a really solid draft.

Reach out and ask for feedback. Ignore all the praise, fixate on the constructive criticism knowing for sure that it was all code for how horrendous it truly is.

Feel sorry for the people you’ve subjected to your art and marvel at how hard they work to pretend it has merit. Almost convincing.

Implement all the feedback you get. Make changes based on your insecurities until you’ve diluted all your potency. Go back to your previous draft before you did that.

Remind yourself that you’re a grownup and have something to contribute to your field. Sit your ass down, take a deep breath, and whisper sweet things to your inner child.

Get back in a groove. Give your whole heart over to it. Get it to a place you feel proud of. Imagine all the people you know and how they’ll react to it. Read comments on other people’s work on the internet. Feel like you’re going to die.

Remember that no one wants to hear from people like you. You’re too much of this and not enough of that and who do you think you are? Eat more cheese.

Surround yourself with people you trust who encourage you and don’t judge you but also won’t put up with your shit. Tell them you’re in the dark night. Listen to what they have to say. Let their love in.

Get close to the finish line. Question all your choices. Consider quitting everything and getting a landscaping job because just being outside and held by the earth feels like the only thing that can save you from your terror.

Doubt yourself. Hate yourself. Accuse yourself of being the most self-indulgent, basic bitch idiot to ever make anything.

Recognize where you are in the process. All is happening exactly as it should. You’re right near the end, the reveal, the crowning moment where everyone will know that you’re mediocre. Savour the sacred initiation.

Give it everything you’ve got. Be wildly awake. Be generous. Show up. Do it again.